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I held him in my arms feeling his flesh rape
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hair resting like strands of a spider’s web against my scarred chest
and divided heart, listening to the murmur of his life’s breath through
parted lips the color of a peach when it’s cut in the light of the sun.
And in those moments of holding this creature against me I felt like
a hollow shell compared to the brilliance of his life. My son, who stole
my life in order to live, and weak and dying though I am, I will forever
see his brilliance shining through fragments of time, glowing and growing,
for as long as time exists. I had to force myself out of bed. A long,
hot shower finally cleared my mind. Those pills made it hard for me
to wake up, but if I didn't take them I would never go to sleep. I didn't
want to get out of the shower, but all the hot water finally went down
the drain. After I dried off, I started the coffee brewer and put on
my uniform. The Harrison case files were scattered all over the breakfast
table. I sat down and read them over again. "What the hell am I doing
on this case?" I asked myself. "I'm no good to anyone." The facts were
simple. Even so, I was in no condition to be prosecuting a capital case.
Any number of junior officers could have done a better job, but the
Judge Advocate General insisted I take it. "This case will help you
get yourself back together," he said. "It'll be good for you." Maybe
my boss was right. Perhaps work was the best thing for me. God knows
I needed something. It was day two of the trial. I had already presented
sufficient testimony to guarantee a 'guilty' verdict. Harrison refused
counsel and he wouldn't speak in his own defense. He was obviously guilty,
but
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